I could feel – something. There was something more out there for me. It was within my grasp.
I felt a shift. A change even in my breathing when I thought about it. There was calm. It wasn’t anything I could rush or figure out on my own. But something was working, stirring. And, to anyone who would listen, I’d say, “I’ll just wait.”
This was years ago. Maybe a dozen. I was working as a reporter and wondered what it meant. What growth it meant. What path it meant. What change it possibly meant. And I’d tell God, “Ok… just let me know.” And I’d wait.
I moved on with my life, trusting that what He wanted to happen would present itself in an opportunity, or possibly by a chance encounter with someone.
The thought would often intertwine with, “This is exactly where I’m meant to be, or what I’m meant to be doing” when I favored a project at work. Or spoke to groups, sharing my story. I could feel more, more, more.
It wasn’t something I was personally striving for – for more money, more prestige. It was a feeling placed inside me.
And I remained calm.
“Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!” (Psalm 46:10)
So, I did. I stayed still and faithful. I’ve made mistakes along the way, but kept doing what I felt I was called to do. This feeling has since overcome me three times since that first occurrence. I’ve put all faith in God’s timing, for whatever it is He has placed in my soul. On my heart.
It does make me wonder, once that yearning inside my soul passes – because it does fade – if there was something I missed. If the “more” was so small, or if it was something I wouldn’t see for years to come.
“Oh, this was the ‘more,’” I can envision myself saying. “That’s what God put in my heart years ago. It just took this/that/this to get there.” Are we patient enough for that? Are we able to remain still enough?
Can we close our eyes and remain faithful and trusting, knowing He has our path laid out for us? Can we trust that? And be grateful to feel a hope He has given? Is that enough to keep us yearning more and more for Him? To do all for Him?
All that, and still wait?
“Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you …” (1 Peter 5:6)
Humble yourselves.… at the proper time.
Put aside your pride. Recognize what God is doing. Is, and has, and be excited for what He will do. Allow the peace you feel be one of assurance from Him that He has you and your future. Cast your worries and your anxieties to the side. Don’t try to control what is to come.
“Whoever trusts in his own mind is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom will be delivered.” (Proverbs 28:26)
This is the confidence God wants us to have in Him. The trust.
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” (Jeremiah 29:11)
There is a certain peace in waiting. A peace in the stillness. A peace in knowing who is in control. A peace in letting go of our own grip.
That feeling – that something – I first felt a dozen years ago? I feel it today. And just like the first time, I’m excited for what it could possibly mean. For whatever path He is going to lead me on today, maybe next week, maybe years from now.
I’ll just wait.